donderdag 3 maart 2016

A personal ode to Insomnia: ''My (C)Losing Time''

Many of my work is either inspired by and/or dedicated to one of the most persistent hate/love-affairs of my love: my very intense, very fickle on-off relationship with Insomnia. There is my series 'Sleep No More', which is definitely insomina-related, if not directly caused by it, created in that dreamlike, translucid state in between being half-awake and half-asleep. This series: 'My (C)Losing Time' deals with the topic of sleep deprivation too.

But whereas 'Sleep No More' clearly symbolises the more nightmarish aspect of sleeplessness, 'My (C)Losing Time' has much more an element of melancholy to it. Of loss, even. In the most literal sense: when suffering of insomnia, you lose every sense of time. You lose track of when it's day or night, you

In terms of purely artistic creativity, to me, it is almost ideal, because you live in a bizarre bubble, fueled by increasingl surreal thoughts, dreams, nightmares, visions that come from the deepest trenches of the human subconscious. There is absolutely no filter whatsoever between me and the world of Witty Art.

On any other level, it sucks big time. There is, indeed, a fine line, between going without very little or no sleep and going insane. Between the power of the surreal and the madness of paranoia.

Luckily, my bouts of Insomnia come and go, and have never interfered too much with my daily existence. But I can't and won't deny it: it's hard work sometimes. As an artist, I have both a great need and longing for the enormous surge of creativity that comes over me during my sleepless nights, but I do fear the enormous physical and mental exhaustion that follows after the wave has gone. So, I make an conscious effort not to give into my need for sleeplessness too much, and certainly won't let take over, let alone control the rest of my life.

So, that's why I chose the title for this series: 'My (C)Losing Time'. Yes, it may be so that Insomnia causes me to lose some track of time every now and then - but mostly, it's on MY terms: I decide when it's 'Closing Time', not she.

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